One of the best-known strategies to implement after a painful breakup is arguably the no contact rule. Though it’s a very important strategy, a lot of people are yet not keen on its implementation. So, this article will be about the importance of the no contact rule and why the no contact rule is so effective.
Simply put, the no contact rule is probably the most effective way to either get your ex back or move on with your life after a breakup. It’s also a powerful way to break free from a toxic relationship with another person.
However, in this article, we’ll be focusing on the use of the no contact rule after going through a painful breakup with your partner.
The no contact rule is simply a period of time during which you purposely discontinue all interactions with your ex. Properly implementing the no contact rule allows both of you to have some space and time apart from each other.
This space and time provided by the no contact rule is essentially a chance for you to grieve your relationship. The period of no contact after a breakup also lets you view your relationship in the light of reality without any rose-colored glasses.
What the No Contact Rule REALLY Is
As some of the statements above indicate, using the no contact rule to get your ex back isn’t only what the rule is intended for. While it can help you achieve that goal when properly implemented; the rule can achieve far more than just that.
At the same time, it’s worth noting that the no contact rule is not intended for every breakup. The truth is that some breakups simply need to remain that way.
Also, while the no contact rule is important and can be very effective, it’s not fool proof. There’s no 100% guarantee it will work for everyone as no two breakups are exactly the same.
Once again, always remember that the rule isn’t just about helping you get your ex back. You can start implementing the rule with that ideology but finally realize that the breakup was actually good for you. Thus, you might end up deciding to move on with your life instead.
When properly implemented, the rule puts you in a very good position to decide the right direction for the relationship. That could either be an increased possibility of getting your ex back or a renewed you for a new relationship.
Also, common sense will really have to come into play at some point in time during its implementation. This allows you to properly assess the situation as things develop.
Yet, a lot ultimately depends on the personality of your ex and their overall response to the no contact rule.
So, the questions before us are: what is the importance of the no contact rule after a breakup and what are the reasons why the no contact rule is so effective? This article takes a look at both of these considerations regarding the no contact rule.
Why the No Contact Rule is Important to Follow
Many people erroneously believe that the best way to win back their ex is by being there for them. This simply does not work. In fact, it makes getting your ex back or moving on with your life more difficult.
In general, the tension between you and your ex is often very high after a breakup. While both of you are in this negative state of mind, pretty much anything you say or do may be misinterpreted. And this is irrespective of your motives because actions taken during this period generally have negative effects and worsen things.
Part of the reason for this is that during this period, you’re often in a “panic mode.” This drives you to want to start calling, texting, emailing and doing all sort of things just to keep in touch with your ex.
The constant calls, repeated promises of change, apologies for everything about the breakup, and your begging for reacceptance will only make you look needy and desperate. In fact, they have a high chance of making your ex more annoyed and displeased with you.
Part of the importance of the no contact rule is that it helps you to avoid the above grave mistakes. These are actually serious mistakes that can easily erode any chance you might have of getting your ex back.
The Two Main Importance of The No Contact Rule
The true importance of the no contact rule is way more than just helping you avoid making post-breakup mistakes. Probably the main reason for following the no contact rule is that it gives you the space and time your heart and mind needs to detox from the breakup.
Using the no contact rule period to get in touch with your true feelings and processing your emotions can be a very powerful and liberating way to detox both your body and mind after a breakup.
To a very large extent, the no contact rule is not really about your ex but instead more about you. The no contact period is an opportunity for you to get stronger and healthier both in mind and body. It’s essentially a period for reminding yourself of what life was like before your ex.
Categorically, there are two very obvious importance of the no contact rule after a breakup and these are the following:
[adrotate group=”15″]1. Chance to Develop a New Perspective
Perhaps the main thrust of the no contact rule is to give you the space and time to work on yourself. It gives you the opportunity of clearing your mind and getting a much-needed perspective about yourself and everything you’ve been through in the relationship.
This will greatly help you in finally determining whether you truly want to get back together with your ex or to move on after a breakup.
However, developing this perspective doesn’t come naturally of its self. You need to consciously devote time and effort to get it right.
To create the right perspective during the no contact rule, there are certain things that you need to actively do during this period.
Physical Activities
For instance, it’s very important that you engage in lots of physical activities. Such activities help to release endorphins – the feel-good chemicals. Try to get involved in any kind of sport that you enjoy. You can try jogging personally, going to the gym, or doing yoga.
Relaxing Activities
Also, considering the challenging times you’re going through, it’s important to engage in some relaxing activities. They’ll help you cope better with the situation and effectively de-stress. Do some meditation, take a relaxing bath or hit the spa. You can also go for some massage, or once again, do some yoga.
Get Social Again
Also, to experience the importance of the no contact rule, it’s very important that you get socially active during this period. Despite the strong urge to remain indoors, you need to pick yourself up and get engaged in lots of social activities to help you loosen up. Go out there and have some great time with your colleagues, close friends, or family members.
Make Self-Improvement Efforts
This is probably the crux of why you need to embark on the no contact rule after a breakup. It’s vitally important for you to engage yourself in some type of self-improvement activities.
Just distancing yourself from your ex is not going to do any magic. You create the magic yourself by becoming a better version of yourself. This isn’t just the key to re-attracting and getting your ex back but also keeping them.
Such self-improvement activities should be aimed at addressing any personal issues that might have led to the breakup. And is so much why we cannot overstress the importance of the no contact rule after a breakup.
Without addressing such underlying issues, it’ll be difficult getting back with your ex in a healthy relationship. Or worse still, moving on and creating a new healthy relationship with any other person.
The Case for a New Perspective
The need to honestly look at the relationship from a new perspective is vitally important and cannot be overemphasized. There’s a reason your relationship ended in a breakup and you can’t just sweep that under the rug.
But as is generally the case after a breakup, you’re submerged in a turmoil of emotions. This makes it almost impossible for you to see the flaws, the mistreatments and misbehavior, the indifference, rudeness, and lies that the relationship endured.
There’s also the usual temptation to forget about the bad times and simply focus on the good ones. However, you need to remember that those bad times were bad enough to lead to the breakup of the relationship.
Also, it might be a good idea to make a note of them so that you don’t forget how bad it was back then.
You might also want to read those notes again whenever you try to make any contact with your ex. That alone may make you think twice whether that’s the type of relationship you’re really dreaming of having.
Thus, part of the purpose of the no contact rule is to give you the time and space to recognize what mistakes you made and how they led to the breakup. Its proper implementation allows you to sincerely and adequately evaluate whether or not the relationship is truly worth fighting for.
2. Time Heals All Wounds!
No matter how much you love someone or how much you miss them, things can only get better for you if you give your ex some space. The anguish you’re experiencing is not unusual as you’ve just gone through a loss and its natural to grieve.
Always remember that grieving the loss of a breakup is a must. The longer you put off the grieving process, the harder it will be for you to sort out your feelings. You therefore need to grieve this loss during the no contact period in order to heal from the breakup.
A Synopsis of The Breakup Healing Process
To truly grieve and heal, you need to experience all the different kinds of emotions that coming to terms with the loss will cause. During this process, you’re more than likely to weep, get into a rage, and become somewhat inconsolable.
Going through these experiences is one reason why it’s highly recommended that you get social during this period. Getting yourself out of these conditions on your own can be very difficult. Friends and family can be of immense benefit in times such as these.
Yet, it’s important that you feel those emotions flooding through your body – those perceived feelings of rejection, loss, and abandonment.
You must avoid trying to shut them down or distracting yourself from them through unhealthy thinking and behavior.
Thus, you need to feel, accept and process these feelings. It’s only then that you’ll be well positioned to let go of the hurt and pain. When you do get to this point, it’ll be much easier for you to accept the reality before you.
As you keep nurturing yourself through applying some self-love, you’ll find that you’ll begin to heal even faster. So, as you go through this process, ensure to treat yourself with some love, care, trust, and lots of respect.
Engage in more little treats that make you feel good. Get new flowers for your apartment and daily add new color and beauty to your life. Remember that self-love is the key to truly loving yourself or any other person at that.
How Much Time Is Needed to Successfully Heal?
The truth is that the no contact rule doesn’t work every time in helping you get your ex back. Yet, it works most of the time especially in helping you heal and get over a breakup.
In fact, one study suggests that there’s a linear correlation between time and how much you heal from a breakup.[1] The study reveals that sadness and anger generally decreases over time after a breakup.
So, time is an important component that can greatly help you heal from the pain of the breakup.
Still, there’s no preset amount of time for your ex to start regretting his or her decision. Also, there’s no preset amount of time that will be sufficient for you to properly heal from the breakup.
In general, there’s the recommendation that if you want your ex back, you should continue the no contact rule until you truly feel that you’ve healed from the breakup.
If you’re still feeling the pain of the breakup after the initial period you set for the rule, then you need to continue the no contact rule and watch time do its magic.
The two reasons above are why the no contact rule is a general recommendation after a breakup. The no contact rule creates the necessary space and time you need to get a clear perspective on the relationship and to successfully go through the healing process.
The Powerful Effects of the No Contact Rule
Surprisingly, these two seemingly simple reasons are partly why the no contact rule is such an amazingly effective ex back strategy.
As a result, you can effectively use the no contact rule to get your ex back after a breakup or use the no contact rule to move on. Either way, the no contact rule after a breakup is very important.
Thus, the rule helps you to personally improve yourself during the no contact period. Then again, your ex will naturally start missing you because of your absence in their life.
These factors are very powerful because before you know it, your ex will start becoming very curious. They’ll start wondering about what is happening to you with all the changes they’ll start noticing about you from afar.
This may send your ex a wakeup call and make them start reconsidering their decision for ending the relationship.
The no contact rule essentially turns the tables in your favor. It makes your ex the one that’ll be longing to be with you again rather than the other way around.
These are what makes the no contact rule so highly alluring and powerful as a tool to use after going through a painful breakup. What could better underscore the importance of the no contact rule after a breakup?
Why the No Contact Rule is So Effective
Yet it’s a fact that most people misunderstand the no contact rule as simply “a way to get your ex back.” However, this thinking is very limiting. It’s far from what the no contact rule is principally intended to achieve.
Ask yourself, “why will simply stopping to contact your ex suddenly make them attracted to you?” Obviously, there’s no point in cutting off communication with your ex and simply nervously waiting for them to call. However, this is the way a lot of people think about doing the no contact rule.
Instead, the purpose of the contact rule is for you to embark on it with the intention of working on yourself and improving your self-esteem.
There’s definitely a difference between both of these approaches to using the no contract rule. And you can also expect great differences in their respective possible outcomes.
The no contact rule is not a “magic spell” and so doesn’t work any magic. It’s a process that needs to be astutely followed for it to yield any benefit.
But so far, we’ve simply been talking about “what” the no contact rule is all about and made some references to “how” it works as well as its overall importance after a breakup.
However, we’ve not really delved into the nitty-gritty of the “whys” of the effectiveness of the no contact rule.
It’s in understanding the “whys” that its true power rests.
This is what significantly increases your ability to harness its full potentials in dealing with a breakup. It’s what positively changes the way you approach implementing the no contact rule.
Core Reason Why The No Contact Rule is So Effective
In moving forward, try to take a minute and reflect on most of what has been said so far. Particularly, think about how the no contact rule helps you create a new perspective.
You’ll start to notice that it all comes back to reflect on you personally. Not on the relationship, not on your ex, but on you as a person.
Thus, the core reason why the no contact rule is so effective is the fact that its proper implementation forces you to focus on yourself. Applying the no contact rule makes you to put yourself first. It’s that simple – self-love first, baby!
This refocusing on yourself helps you to come to one very critical realization. And that has to do with the fact that you’re the only person who has control over your happiness.
The no contact rule makes you realize that your happiness and well-being is something that only you can create. It’s not something that any outside source can give you. Thus, happiness is something that someone else cannot give to you – not even your ex.
It can be an epiphany moment when you realize this. And when you do, your life will never remain the same. This realization will give you the freedom to live the life that you truly desire.
Also, this realization will help you develop a better understanding of yourself. It will also help you to significantly improve the way you relate to yourself and the people around you.
Refocusing on and prioritizing yourself helps you to increase your self-confidence as you keep making improvements to your inner self. As a result, you’ll be eliminating self-doubt and a lot of other limiting beliefs.
What Do You Bring to a Relationship?
If we’re to be honest at this point, we should have come to an obvious realization. And this is the fact that the no contact rule is more tailored towards helping you move on with your life. It’s not for ruminating over your ex or the breakup.
If your ex does come back to you, that’ll be great. But can you keep them from leaving again if you haven’t made any serious improvements to the personality they left in the first place?
This is why the proper implementation of the no contact rule requires that you actively work on making both physical and emotional transformations to yourself that will help to strengthen what you bring into a relationship.
And this is the crux of the whole matter. What exactly do you bring into the relationship?
Are you intending to get back together with your ex the same way you were before you broke up with them? But as I have asked earlier, can you keep them after you get back with all the old baggage that you’re still bringing into the relationship.
You cannot continue doing the same thing over and over again and be expecting any different to happen. That’s just crazy.
Then again, must it take someone to lose you first before they start valuing you, becoming honest, and recognizing your true worth? Must your importance be only realized after you’ve been lost?
Without putting something of substance that will make your relationship to work on the table, the relationship is never going to work. A successful and happy loving relationship is a two-way street and reciprocity is at its heart!
Honestly answering these questions help to highlight the grieve importance of the no contact rule after a breakup.
The Role Reversal Effect
Interestingly, when you truly implement the no contact rule, there’s something you’ll discover. Against the odds, you’ll discover an increased tendency of your final decision skewing towards moving on with your life.
This is because, as earlier mentioned, the proper implementation of the no contact rule shifts your focus to how you feel about yourself. It makes you to start prioritizing yourself and feeling good in your own skin.
Your focus will no longer be about trying to change the way your ex feels about you. That’s the general target when your initial sole purpose is to use the no contact to get your ex back.
However, making this the purpose of the no contact rule basically pushes you to put your ex at the center point of your existence. This is so counterproductive, to say the least.
At the same time, properly implementing the no contact rule puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life. It hands the power of your life back to you.
In a sort of way, the no contact rule reverses the roles of power between you and your ex. While its effect weakens the power of your ex over you, on the other hand, it empowers you.
They were in a position of power when they broke up with you but now you’ve taken that power back. This is as a result of the effect of the breakup gradually weakening and has now broken off.
Now, you’re at liberty to be your true self. This is part of the great importance of the no contact rule after a breakup and why the no contact rule is so effective.
Of Love and of Respect
So, the idea is to use the no contact period to transform yourself into an improved version of you. Someone your ex will regret dumping. But first of all, you need to ask yourself what is it that you really want.
Do you just want your ex back or do you want to win their love and respect? This is a very important consideration and here’s why.
It’s when they’re able to truly love and respect the person you’ve become that you’ll be able to influence a change in them.
Loving and respecting you is what will effortlessly demand loyalty from them. This is what raises the bar for their behavioral changes towards you.
The no contact rule puts you in such a position that if your ex does come back some day, you’ll be in the right mental state to make a logical decision rather than reacting emotionally.
When you properly go through the no contact process, it significantly helps to prepare you for either a successful and enduring return to your ex or for you to move on onto a better new relationship.
How to Prioritize Yourself
So, how exactly do you prioritize yourself during the no contract period? Much of what has to be done has already been highlighted during the discussion about getting a new perspective. As you’ll notice, the activities outlined therein are essentially focused on you.
No matter how hard it may appear at the beginning, you need to start taking baby steps towards addressing any personal issues you may have. Earnestly start working on your self-esteem, setting necessary boundaries and learning to listen to your gut feelings.
Honestly, to achieve these positive changes will require you setting clear objectives, being disciplined, and creating a positive atmosphere.
In fact, when starting to prioritize yourself, you’ll basically be making a transition from “self-acceptance” to “self-love”.
Learn to listen to yourself more and be your authentic self while enjoying “being yourself by yourself.” Soon, you’ll start radiating a kind of energy that’s not only fascinating but also highly magnetic.
Points to Note About Using the No Contact Rule
Despite the importance of the no contact rule and its proven effectiveness, it’s however necessary that you’re honest with yourself when using the no contact rule after a breakup.
Just avoiding communication with your ex will not achieve anything. There must be willingness to seriously work on any personal issues that might have led to the breakup.
Also, avoid the common temptation to conclude too quickly that the fault was that of your ex. This isn’t always true.
The truth is that relationships don’t generally fail overnight. In fact, the issues you think might have caused the breakup may just be the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
So, what you might be thinking caused the breakup may just be one in a long list of issues. Unknown to you, several other issues might have been eating away at your relationship for a long time.
Thus, you need to take time to be honest with yourself to reap the benefits of the no contact rule. Ultimately, you’ll need to come to terms with the issues that led to the breakup and honestly work on them.
As a result, the need for you to work towards improving yourself, one day at a time, cannot be overstressed. Gradually, you’ll become more self-aware of who you are as a person while you’re consciously rebuilding your self-confidence.
The reason why the no contact rule is so effective is that it helps you to take out time to develop yourself while also increasing your self-confidence.
The resultant positive self-improvements and increase in self-confidence are very powerful attributes in the attraction process. They are vital attributes that you’ll need as you try to serenade your ex or a new potential lover.
In Conclusion…
To correctly implement the no contact rule, you’ll need to be honest with yourself. Also, it’s vital to invest serious time in getting involved in some self-improvement activities.
Doing so will help you develop yourself both physically and emotionally. This way, you’ll significantly rebuild your self-confidence while equally making yourself feel happier by the day.
When you’re able to use the no contact period to engage in activities that help you rediscover and improve yourself, then the rule can be of significant benefit to you.
This is only when the importance of the no contact rule after a breakup can become truly evident. For one, you’ll become more confident in yourself with new energy and zest. This way, it’ll become so obvious to see why the no contact rule is so effective after a breakup.
To use the no contact rule to move on after a breakup or to use no contact to get your ex back – the choice is totally yours.
However, it’s how honestly and actively you implement the no contact rule that’ll determine which of these directions to follow.
Spending at least three weeks in observing the no contact rule can be personally liberating after going through a breakup. Meanwhile, you ex will also be missing you by now since “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
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