Cheating happens and its effect can be extremely damaging to a relationship irrespective of who does the cheating. And yes, men do cheat more than women. But why do men cheat?
This is not an easy question that one can readily give a straight answer to. The most basic reason for this is because every relationship, and man, is different.
So, the reasons why men cheat are varied and largely unique to the situation, individual, or couple in question.
For the most part, what makes a man to take the plunge to cheat on his partner has a lot to do with both his environment and his overall psychological make up.
Irrespective of the reason why men cheat, it generally causes a breakdown of the trust, honesty, and respect that form the core of any successful long-term relationship.
The actions of married men that cheat on their wives can have very devastating effect on their relationship. Such acts can put a lady through enormous emotional and sometimes, physical suffering.
What Constitutes Cheating
Now, a bit on the issue of what cheating is all about. First, sexual infidelity is commonly understood as a breach in the expectation of sexual exclusivity between two lovers.
This breach of exclusivity can be as slight as a kiss or as significant as intercourse.
There’s also the other issue of emotional infidelity which further compounds the situation.
This is a serious consideration as it implies an intense emotional bond. The emotional bond here is one that is normally accompanied with a fair amount of sexual tension and desire.
This is perhaps why the most destructive affairs are those that are both emotional and sexual in nature.
Thus, cheating is a betrayal of a partner’s trust. It is the breaking of the promise of maintaining emotional and sexual exclusivity with one’s partner.
In most cases, the issues that lead to cheating can either be as a result of problems in the relationship or a problem with the individual.
On a general note, cheating can be viewed as a symptom of a relational problem or an indication of an individual’s problem.
Why Do Men Cheat?
The propensity of most men to cheat on their partner is one of the most common and painful issues that a lot of women have to deal with.
Yet, the question of “why do married men cheat” on their wives has continued to baffle not a few.
Some Stats on Why Men Cheat
According to marriage counselor, M. Gary Neuman, nearly one in every three couples will be affected by an affair. The estimate is that about 60% of men cheat on their partners with about 70% of their partners not having a clue about the affair.
To write his groundbreaking book, The Truth About Cheating, Gary Neuman surveyed about 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands. The following are some interesting facts from his survey findings about why men have affairs.
- 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated
- 66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair
- 77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated
- 40% of cheating men met the other woman at work
- 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife
- 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night
With these statistics in mind, an understanding of the possible reasons why men cheat can be very useful. As the saying goes, “prevention is better than cure.”
Thus, understanding why married men cheat can help a lady better identify and stop a possible cheating before it happens.
And if she has been cheated on already, it helps to get the root of the issue in order to successfully move forward.
It’s worth noting that this list is simply an explanation of some of the reasons why men cheat. This is not by any way a justification for such actions. There is no justification for a man cheating on his partner under any circumstances.
1. Desire to Relive First-Time Experiences
It is inevitable that as relationships grow older, they sort of lose their luster. As a result, there is an increased tendency to long for the passion, sexual thrill, and idealized connection enjoyed at the beginning of the relationship.
This is perhaps why most married men that cheat do so. They see it as a way to escape the routine and banality of everyday life. And it won’t be too far from the truth to say that this is perhaps one of the best answers for why do men cheat.
The general tendency is for people to turn to strategies that gave them pleasure when they were younger. They want to once again try out things that worked for them, which gave meaning and pleasure to their lives.
Thus, they want to feel coming on to someone and having that first experience. Reliving their younger years through the romantic and sexual chase involved makes a lot of men feel alive again.
In Gary Neuman’s study, the average time cheating men were married before having their first infidelity was about six years.
2. They Love the Thrill
At times, men cheat simply because of the thrill of getting away with it or doing something they shouldn’t be doing.
They simply love the excitement of the chase and the feeling that comes from meeting a challenging woman and winning her over.
The thrill of the hunt and risk-taking involved in an affair simply adds a level of danger. And danger adds to the excitement of their sexual pleasure.
Thus, married men that cheat get a high from the forbidden nature of cheating and the possibility of getting caught. Simply because it feels wrong, makes it feel good for them.
This phenomenon is commonly known as the “cheater’s high.” It’s an emotional boost, or thrill which some people get after successfully getting away with something unethical and illicit such as cheating on a partner.
At times there’s no reward other than the high itself, yet the rush they enjoy can lead them to repeat their indiscretion.
For the most part, this proclivity has little or nothing to do with their partner. It is simply a natural tendency for men to want to experience challenges and overcome them to ascertain and confirm their self-worth.
Part of this challenge for most men is to get women to like them and be attracted to them. So, it’s not just the pleasure that is the end product of the challenge.
Cheating in a relationship is dangerous, but with it comes an excitement so alluring and irresistible to most men.
This impulsive drive is what makes most men to always seek novelty and variety in the choice of their sex partners to fulfill their desire for excitement and satisfaction.
3. Their Partner’s Mediocre Sex Life
Generally, men want more sex than women. Also, there are few men who’ll stick around or be happy with a woman who’s a mediocre sex partner.
Several experts believe that the fact that things are going well in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s no desire for more.
And this desire can be in terms of more experiences with other partners. This is often the case as most men don’t get enough sexual variety and novelty.
Also, fights about finances, children, and chores can throw a metaphorical wet blanket on the marital bed. Very few men will be blunt and open enough to criticize a woman’s performance in bed.
They’ll rather keep quiet about it and go outside the home to look for that satisfaction with someone else. And this is often regardless of how beautiful their spouse might be.
Thus, a woman’s inability to keep her man sexually happy, excited, and satisfied might just be giving him the go ahead to cheat on her.
4. Unfulfilled Emotional and Physical Needs
Generally, people cheat because there is something missing in their lives. The truth is that over time, there are core emotional elements that become missing within a relationship due to neglect.
At other times, it might be something missing from within the individual in the relationship.
For instance, take the example of a guy who didn’t get a lot of attention growing up. Such a guy would somewhat have increased tendency of feeling unseen or disconnected from their partner.
Normally, such a guy tends to feel really good when he gets special attention or someone shows interest in him.
However, if he feels disconnected a lot over time, he can easily get hurt and go into a zone to protect himself. At such times, he can experience an increased tendency to think about sex with other partners.
Also, in most of such cases, the men don’t want to end the relationship with their spouses. They prefer to rather seek for alternative ways of getting these needs fulfilled.
Such unfulfilled emotional desires in a man’s life are powerful enough reasons for why do married men cheat on their partners.
Circumstances where another woman appears to provide such emotional satisfaction, support, and empathy that they believe they’re lacking may be very welcome.
5. They’ve Fallen Out of Love
At other times, people simply decide to cheat because they feel unloved. More aptly put, married men that cheat do so because they feel like they’ve fallen out of love with their partner.
Like everything in life, the feeling of love isn’t going to always remain constant. Love never lasts forever despite the earnest yearning for the continuance of the romantic rush experienced at its onset.
The dopamine induced intense feelings of excitement and passion simply doesn’t feel the same way anymore over time.
Thus, the initial love and emotional connection always tends to fade over time in practically all love relationships.
It takes the conscious effort of the individual partners to work at really remaining in love with each other.
When a man falls out of love with his spouse, most of the times he simply sticks around for obligatory reasons. This can either be because of children in the relationship or financial concerns.
When love, intimacy, and affection are absent in any relationship, there’s the increased tendency to seek emotional and physical satisfaction out of the relationship.
6. Personal Insecurity Issues
Another strong reason why men cheat on their partners has to do with their sense of personal insecurities.
In general, if a man feels insecure in one area of his life, there’s often a high likelihood of him feeling insecure in other areas too.
So, there are times when external insecurities might snowball into his relationship and cause some tension.
At the same time, a man’s sense of insecurity might revolve around him not feeling attractive enough to his partner. He might be entertaining the feeling that he’s not getting the validation he really needs from his relationship.
Generally, an insecure man is very needy and is always seeking out reassurance, support, and approval from his partner in a lot of areas. There are times he can become overly worried about his partner’s continued interest in him.
Thus, he’s constantly seeking out validation to prove to his partner, but more importantly to himself, that he’s good enough.
The problem is that instead of men suffering from personal insecurities embracing their particular insecurities and trying to fix them, they rather prefer to hide them.
As a result, such insecurities might become an issue of secrecy in the relationship. Sadly, it also creates a situation which can easily result in cheating.
Thus, having feelings of personal insecurities is another plausible reason why men cheat on their spouse. Ultimately, such insecure men become engrossed in searching for external validations to confirm that they’ve still got it and as a result, cheating on their partner.
A lot of men that cheat on their spouse do so to pump up their virility and self-confidence through the external validation from such cheating episodes.
7. As Payback to Get Even
A man discovering that he has been cheated on or is being cheated on is one of the highest predictors of him cheating. It simply provides a convenient excuse for him to want to do same.
It’s a strong reason for why men cheat as it’s a quick way to retaliate for any perceived injustice they believe their partner may have served them.
Besides the physical act of the cheating, men feel compelled to get even with their spouse for lying to them or for humiliating them in public.
Getting back at their partner is simply to make a point. It’s a way to kind of reduce their hurt while also acting as a reassurance of their manhood.
The sad part is that some men try to maximize the pain of cheating on their spouse. Such cheating men achieve this by choosing behaviors that are intentionally hurtful. They can even carry out the cheating in such a way for it to be seen and known by their partner.
8. As an Ego Booster
Just like the chase through which he caught his spouse, a man generally wants to always be attractive to the opposite sex. Thus, when a woman shows an interest in him, he instantly becomes alive to the chase at hand.
A man’s ego can be puffed up when he successfully accomplishes his pursuit of his new found attention thereby cheating on his partner.
Such new “conquest” creates a feeling of desirability and attractiveness. This can make a man feel powerful, alluring, and even confident to the point of being damn arrogant.
The flattery nature and the boost of self-confidence it gives partly answers why do married men cheat on their spouses. While it may be exciting as a reason why men cheat, it’s however detrimental to the person they profess to love.
9. Men Cheat to End a Relationship
In general, most men that cheat do not do so with the intention of leaving their relationships.
However, some married men that cheat on their spouse do so because of the fear of directly breaking up with them. Thus, cheating on their spouse becomes the first step in their attempt to leave the relationship.
A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be a very hard thing for most men to overcome. So, instead of having that difficult conversation, they’ll rather just have an affair and let their partner do the dirty work for them.
Most married men that cheat in order to end a relationship do so because of a certain sense of hopelessness. They virtually lost all interest in it.
So, when they cheat, they do so in order that they may be found out.
10. Women Let Men Cheat
When a man knows that his spouse has low self-esteem, dreads to be lonely, is insecure and dependent on him, they might assume the alpha male status and consider cheating to be normal.
Also, there’s the case where a man has been caught cheating in the past and forgiven by his spouse. In most cases, there is a high likelihood of him repeating the same as he believes that he will be forgiven again if caught.
11. A Convenient Opportunity Appeared
Life is full of tempting moments which might present irresistible sexual offers to a man. Many men there are today who admit to cheating on their partner because they had the chance to.
Sexual offers are a rarity in the lives of most men. Also, it is difficult for the average man to say “no” to sexual advances. As a result, most men would find it hard letting such a convenient opportunity slip through their fingers.
A somewhat unfortunate incidence would be a guy who is at a conference or on vacation without his partner. After having a few drinks, what started like a little flirting, led to the bedroom.
Also, the rise of the internet has created more opportunities for hooking up with people of interest. Along with it also comes various new forms of cheating such as sexting or having an emotional affair without any physical contact.
So, there are lots of situations where the cheating is simply because of an opportunity that arose and things just happened, even though they weren’t premeditated.
In Conclusion
As a closing remark, irrespective of the explanation a man might give for cheating on his partner, any act of infidelity is simply hurtful.
In addition, the decision of a man to cheat or stay faithful is something that isn’t in the control of any woman. Even the most beautiful and “perfect” wife can be cheated on by her man.
It’s entirely up to the man to decide whether to cheat on his spouse or remain faithful to the vows he’s made to her.
However, being cheated on doesn’t necessarily signify the end of a relationship. It can be an opportunity to take a step back and look at what might have gone wrong along the way.
The truth is that we cannot fully understand why do married men cheat on their spouses. However, as a man, before plunging yourself into cheating on your spouse, kindly ask yourself if it’s worth it.
Why don’t you rather be man enough to sit your spouse down and try to amicably sort out the differences you might be having in the relationship? Think on this, and DARE to be a real man!
If you found this article helpful, you might want to save it to any of your Pinterest’s Relationship Tips board for later. You can also share it on your preferred platform via the social media buttons below.
