Reasons Why Men Pull Away in Relationships

The beginning of a new relationship can be very interesting and enlivening. As such, it can be quite distressing for most ladies coming to terms with why men pull away after getting close in a relationship.

In general, hardly does one give thought to the possibility of a breakup or a falling apart later in the course of the relationship.

We are usually so engrossed in the dopamine induced enthralling high-octane feeling of being in love that practically nothing else matters that much. At least for the time being.

Yet, it’s fascinating to note how many men make the mistake of running away too early from potentially great relationships with some amazing women.

Core Reason Why Men Pull Away

The first major problem that both men and women have that’s often the reason behind why men pull away from otherwise promising relationships is the belief that love is all that is needed.

For most people, they simply believe that “love conquers all” and that “love will find a way.” Unfortunately, these sentimentally romanticized concepts of love have been very deeply entrenched in the minds of most people.

However, love isn’t a magical cure-all like Hollywood fairy tales would have us believe. In fact, love is not enough. It cannot by itself sustain a long-term loving relationship.

Love is like a tender flower that needs regular pruning and watering in order for it to grow. Consequently, without the necessary ingredients, it is most likely to wither and fade completely.

While love may be real, sometimes, things just happen and human emotions change. For the most part, relationships succeed when both the man and woman invest sufficient amount of time, emotions, and trust in it.

Thus, true lasting love takes a lot of concerted effort and personal sacrifice to make it to work.

Why Men Leave Women They Love

The question a lot of women have found themselves asking at one point in their love relationships is why would a guy that was all over them a moment ago be out of the door the next.

In such a situation, women ask themselves over and over, what went wrong? “Why did he leave me if he loved me? What did I do wrong?” This situation can leave her feeling empty and lonely.

Without doubt, the feeling of being “dumped” can be very painful and deeply distressing for a lot of women. This is especially true if the relationship was a great one.

The bitter truth is that not even the best and most intimate of relationships are totally immune from the possibility of ending untimely.

So, what could be the reasons why men pull away from such committed relationships?

The True Reasons Why Men Pull Away

On the issue of why men pull away after getting close, there are certain reasons that can generally be said to be the root cause of such relationships ending untimely.

To begin with there is the most fundamental issue of the man himself in the relationship. There are situations where he is simply the causative factor for his leaving the relationship.

These reasons may revolve around his inner needs, conflicts, and aspirations. They are problems that do not necessarily have anything to do with the woman.

And these personal factors can at times play more major roles when it comes to why men pull away from relationships.

The other reasons why men pull away after getting close can be adduced to come from his woman. At the same, there are also various other external factors that can come into.

Several studies^[1] have established the fact that men and women are very different. There’s also a consensus that there are certainties that every woman should understand about male behavior.

As a result, while no two relationships are the same, the reasons why people fall out of love with their partners often are.

Thus, a good knowledge of male behavior would be a great step towards better understanding why men pull away from relationships.

If you’re looking for some sort of closure, listed below are some of the reasons why men leave women they love.

They are definitely not all the reasons why men pull away from love relationships. Also, they don’t necessarily cover all of the possible explanations. However, they do encapsulate the core of the motivations and decisions to pull away.

1. Has Concept of an Idealized Perfect Partner

Some men have secret fantasies about the ideal woman they want in their lives. As a result, they are always on the lookout for those specific desired qualities in the women they’re in a relationship with.

Such a man believes that besides accepting him for who he is, his ideal woman will also bring out the best in him. He expects her not to criticize his actions while also not making too much demands of him.

His belief is that this ideal woman will unconditionally give to him and fulfill his every need.

These desired qualities can also include physical qualities such as height, weight, and color. This might also include fantasies of women of certain intellectual capabilities or financial status.

However, placing such high expectations on any lady in a relationship is simply a recipe for failure. It creates a situation where everything she does is bound to be scrutinized by her partner.

With such expectations, it’s only a matter of time before he comes to a conclusion that he’s probably not with the woman he wants to be with. And once again he pulls away from another relationship.

2. Has Not Gotten Over A Past Relationship

This can be a very serious issue with some men who might have been deeply committed to past loving relationships. Though they held those past relationships in high esteem and even considered them perfect, unfortunately they came to an unexpected end.

Yet, the shared memories and dreams of those failed relationships may still linger within him. Whenever in a new relationship, they often find themselves wishing to re-enact exactly those old experiences in the new relationship.

There are men who passionately hold onto the memories of a former lover or wife. The idealization can be so strong that it prevents them from being able to appreciate and love another woman for who she is.

They feel kind of more comfortable in the safety of the memory of their past relationship than to actively attempt new ones.

For men in this situation, they have to consciously learn to forget the past. The need to say goodbye to it is very important in order to find true relationship happiness.

Also, they need to realize that they can actually find true love again. In fact, they can develop their new relationships to be much better than the one they presently idealize so much.

3. Dreads Commitment

This is another very common reason why men pull away after getting close to a lady in a relationship. Some men simply dread committing themselves to a love relationship.

While they may have a high level of commitment in other areas of their lives, they simply feel differently about committing to a love relationship.

Such men value their personal freedom so much that they are not ready to give it up for nobody.

Most men fear that committing themselves to a relationship will make them lose the excitement, adventure, and freedom they’ve thus far enjoyed.

Men hate being in a relationship just to fulfil some false sense of self-esteem, out of guilt, or simply because of certain obligations.

Also, a lot of men prefer the challenge and adventure that most new relationships provides. On the other hand, they practically dread feeling stifled or trapped in a relationship commitment in any way.

4. Fears He Cannot Satisfy His Woman

The average guy is willing to commit to a relationship. He is also willing to give anything possible within his means to make the relationship work.

Unfortunately, it just happens that some men have female partners who cannot be easily satisfied no matter what is done to please her.

Her needs may vary from financial, emotional, sexual, and other trivial issues. No matter how hard her man tries, he simply can’t get the approval he desires from her.

On the intimacy and sexual level, a man simply wants his prowess validated. Any man wants to deeply feel like he’s actually doing his “job” very well.

In fact, nothing makes a man feel more masculine than being able to sexually satisfy the woman he loves. Every man is hardwired to want to satisfy his woman in and out of the bedroom.

When a man feels that he cannot satisfy his woman, especially in the bedroom, he simply starts to pull away from the relationship. With time, he gives up any attempt to please her or make the relationship work.

5. Needy and Emotionally Unstable Partner

Men want to feel wanted and desired in a relationship, but never needed.

A man feels emotionally imprisoned when his lady makes the relationship her sole source of happiness and emotional well-being.

Such emotional dependency puts a lot of pressure on him. This kind of situation is a huge recipe for disaster and one sad reason why men pull away in relationships.

The Need for Breathing Space

Men simply hate when a lady wants to always be around them. They despite it when a woman never gives them enough breathing space to have a life outside the relationship.

Rather, men want to feel some air of freedom and autonomy when in a relationship. But not just men alone, even women need some breathing space to have a life outside even the most intimate of relationships.

We all need to have a personal life of our own. Individuals like our friends and relatives, as well as our hobbies and interests form a huge part of it.

Giving up these components of a healthy relationship can easily make any man feel trapped in a relationship.

While these components may be important, they should however not be the sole determining factors of our overall happiness.

An individual’s happiness is something that only he or she can determine. It’s something that comes from within and thus a state which only an individual themselves can create.

And this is arguably one of the major reasons why men love women who are independent and confident in themselves.

A needy woman who is always asking her man for help in just about everything including major and minor household issues simply bugs her man down.

She makes it almost impossible for him to be emotionally connected to her as he simply feels suffocated. Also, this kind of emotional distress stifles his personal growth.

Inadvertently, such emotional dependency will make a man feel entangled in the relationship. So, it can be easily seen why this is another big reason why men leave women they love.

6. Lack of Emotional Intimacy

Generally, the passion and love that mostly comes with the initial stages of a relationship or even a marriage, fades off after about two years.^[2]

For the most part, passion is what usually draws the individuals together in a relationship. Then again, it is the intimacy shared between them which sustains the closeness and longevity of the relationship.^[3]

So, when the dopamine induced passion fades off, in its place comes a more mature, loving, and compassionate relationship.

Physical Intimacy

Developing physical intimacy in a relationship involves the bonding between spouses through acts such as cuddling, kissing, hugging, and general physical touches. This is also where sex and keeping the bedroom actively steamy becomes important.

The importance of physical touch was underscored in a 2009 study^[4] by psychologist Matthew J. Hertenstein of DePauw University. Researchers from the university were able to effectively study how humans communicate emotions through touch.

In the study, volunteers attempted to communicate a list of 8 (eight) distinct emotions – anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, sympathy, happiness, and sadness – to a blindfolded stranger mainly through touch. The participants were able to communicate these emotions with about 78% accuracy.

So, physical intimacy provides a great way for couples to truly demonstrate their love and affection for each other.

Emotional Intimacy

However, the development of emotional intimacy involves the sharing of the innermost of feelings and thoughts between love partners.

This is where a man shares his fears, weaknesses, and failures with the woman he loves and cares for.

It is a connection where both partners feel loved, trusted, and have a sense of being secured in.

Thus, the more emotionally vulnerable spouses become with one another, the greater the chances of their connection growing deeper and lasting longer.

Women need to realize that even when men aren’t verbally sharing their feelings, they still need emotional intimacy from them.

In fact, and against popular media, men get into long-term relationships because of the desire for emotional stability.

Yet, it’s unfortunate that most women tend to feel comfortable and take intimacy for granted once settled into a relationship.

When she starts becoming hard to approach by her man, it becomes difficult for both of them to bond emotionally.

At the same, if a man feels that his woman will criticize him for being open with her, he’s bound to shut down and become emotionally withdrawn.

So, when positive emotional intimacy is lacking, a man may become detached from both his partner and his own emotions. This can lead to a lack of love and respect gradually creeping into the relationship.

Thus, a lack of positive emotional intimacy can greatly contribute to a poor relationship experience. Such a situation is easily a reason why men leave the women they love.

7. Sexual Dissatisfaction

A man’s ability to feel sexually satisfied personally and also being able to sexually satisfy his wife are very important to his ego.

When a woman fails to sexually satisfy her man or sex with her is extremely boring, it opens the door wide for him to pull away and seek satisfaction elsewhere.

The physical intimacy enjoyed by partners in a love relationship essentially communicates trust and love.

As a result, the loss of physical intimacy usually precedes the loss of emotional intimacy.

Sex and the Oxytocin Effect

The passionate physical touches and accompanying orgasm experienced during sexual intercourse also helps to trigger the release of the bonding hormone – oxytocin.

Oxytocin is well-known to assist in the reduction of stress, boosting of moods, and enhancing intimate bonds between romantic partners. In fact, there are animal studies suggesting that oxytocin might be responsible for monogamy in males.^[5]

It’s thus easy to see why the more physical intimacy there is in a relationship, the more oxytocin that will be produced in the man.

Also, several studies have shown that men generally express their love for their women through sexual intercourse. Thus, sexual satisfaction in a love relationship can go a long way in increasing the emotional intimacy between a man and his woman.

So, sex is a very important aspect of any relationship as it fuels the intimacy in the relationship. Its expression is simply a way of letting your partner know that they matter and are loved.

As a result, when a man is frequently denied this opportunity of expressing his love, it lowers his self-esteem and makes him feel undesirable.

When the sex is gone or too sporadic and a man starts feeling like the situation cannot be changed, it can easily become another possible reason why men pull away from relationships.

Yet, as the years roll on, it’s inevitable that the general sex life of many couples in long-term relationships will slow down a bit.

At such periods, it’s important for the couples to try to maintain a balance. They need to conscientiously ensure that each other’s needs are being met.

8. She’s Trying to Fix Him

We cannot deny the fact that a woman can have a significantly transformational impact on the life of her man.

Unfortunately, a lot of women consider their men as being incapable of doing anything resourceful with their lives. They therefore make it a personal mission to guide them. As a result, these women fail to accept their partners as they are.

What a lot of people fail to realize is that people change for themselves and not because of someone else. Lasting change is something that must come from the inside.

Constantly complaining, making demands, and judging a man often sends off a signal that his woman is trying to change him.

This is also the case when she’s always criticizing his every mistake, interfering in his matters, making improvisations and providing solutions when they are not solicitated for.

The truth is that no matter how sneaky or subtle her attempts may be, men are often intuitive enough to recognize when a lady is trying to change them.

A lady’s attempt to change her man into what he is not makes him feel like he cannot be his true self.

Apart from taking a toll on his self-esteem, it also makes him feel disrespected. Also he may start becoming resentful and bitter towards her.

Getting a Man to Change

When a lady wants her man to truly change, she needs to give him the space to realize the need for it and then want to be a better man on his own.

This process is what will create a more lasting change in her man than lecturing him on the need for change.

Thus, while her intentions might be good for the relationship in the long run, coming from a negative place of criticism or blame will simply worsen things.

With time, any constant form of pressure to change, becomes a strong reason why men leave women they love.

Once again, the fact that men hate criticism and blame cannot be overemphasized. Thus, a woman needs to avoid negatively criticizing, shaming, or blaming her man. And more importantly, a woman should NEVER compare her man to other men.

There’s the need to understand that an important aspect of loving any one, is to accept that person for who they are. Thus, we need to learn to respect each another’s differences and weaknesses. They are essentially what make us who we are.

9. Fears Losing His Freedom

This is another one of the major reasons why men pull away from otherwise great relationships. Most men dread committing to long-term relationships because they fear losing their freedom.

They’re simply not ready to give up their personal space and guy time for a relationship. This is because most men highly value their guy time.

So, when a woman always wants to know where her man is, what he’s doing, or where he’s going, a man starts to fear for his freedom as he feels trapped in such relationship.

Similarly, the high emotional attachment that a man might have developed for his woman could make him feel like losing himself.

The reduced time to spend with his friends, engage in hobbies he likes, and a loss of touch with who he was before the relationship, can easily get to a man.

Feeling disconnected from himself in this way may just be too much for him to take.

Added to this is coming to terms with the idea of being committed in a relationship that might seem like “forever.”

Thus, it’s important for a woman to have a life of her own when coming into a relationship. This will help her not to appear to be trying to take away the things that her man enjoys.

When a woman’s life is full of her own activities, it greatly helps to take the pressure off her man.

When his personal space isn’t threatened, a man can more easily ascertain if he really wants to be with his woman in a committed long-term relationship.

So, let him go watching football matches with his guys or hanging out with them for a drink or two.

10. Lack of Respect

Simply put, if there is no respect in a relationship, it cannot survive in the long run. As a result, a man cannot build a happy relationship with a woman who doesn’t respect him.

Respect is a two-way street; thus, a man deserves respect just as much as a woman deserves it.

Also, irrespective of who the breadwinner of the home might be, a high caliber woman should still show respect and honor to her man.

Criticizing, ignoring or giving her man the silent treatment, and taking him for granted irrespective of the situation he might be in, will surely make him want to pull away from the relationship.

Equally, disrespectful acts such as calling her man abusive names and emasculating him by humiliating or badmouthing him in public are also plausible reasons why men pull away from women in relationships.

For a more fulfilling love relationship, a woman can make her man feel loved and needed by talking to him in a respectful manner.

Also, she should speak with him and ask for his opinion before making important life decisions. This is especially important if it will impact both of them – like when she wants to undertake major financial projects.

11. Lack of Appreciation

All men crave being appreciated just as women do. To men, appreciation is sort of the fuel that keeps them going in a relationship. It kind of charges and inspires them.

Regularly showing appreciation and gratitude in a relationship has been shown to predict a rise in relationship satisfaction, commitment, and investment.

However, a lot of women do not appreciate what their men do for them. Instead, majority are constantly in the habit of comparing their man with other men.

A lack of appreciation from his woman lowers a man’s self-esteem. It also makes him lose interest in the relationship while he also stops taking initiatives to please her. Thus, a lack of appreciation from his woman is definitely one of the top reasons why men pull away.

Frankly speaking, it’s quite easy to take each other for granted in a relationship. This is because of its usual ebb and flow. So, there are times when your partner will be at the top of your priority list. At other times, he may just slip further down on it.

Equally, while you may personally appreciate what your man does, he might still think you don’t. Thus, it’s important to let him know that you actually appreciate him by telling him.

Appreciating a man goes beyond just saying “thank you.” True appreciation is about seeing and appreciating him for who he is. This involves appreciating his goals, mission, and vision.

Also, a woman should appreciate her man for the things he does for her every once in a while. This should be irrespective of whether or not they were perfectly done as she might want.

Complimenting your man and always being appreciative to him is a great way to keep your relationship strong.

12. He’s Found Someone Else

While he may still actually be in love with you, a man might think his other options are better. For most women, the idea of their man falling for someone else can leave them feeling very distraught.

A new side-chick or a new love interest in the life of her man certainly presents a dilemma for any woman who truly loves her man.

The excitement of such new love can be very appealing to a lot of men and is a very strong reason why men pull away. This is especially so if they are unhappy in their current relationship or if it has gone stale.

The best thing to do if you think your man might be seeing someone else is to first maintain your calm. You need to get your feelings under control and carefully decide what you want going forward.

If you decide to preserve your relationship and still keep your man, then you need to calmly and objectively bring up the issue with him.

While this might be difficult, it’s a far better approach than trying to aggressively approach him about it. Any frantic or aggressive action will simply drive him into the arms of the other lady.

13. Incompatibility Issues

Compatibility is a basic requirement for any successful long-term relationship. Its neglect is probably one of the gravest relationship sins and one of the most critical reasons why men pull away from women they love.

Many relationships have seen their untimely death because of a lack of fundamental compatibility between the partners.

The truth is that a lot of incompatibility issues are often quite obvious during the early stages of most relationships. What happens is that people simply chose to ignore them or they just go unacknowledged. To most people, their love will take care of such “inconsequential” things.

The truth is that the ability to make compromises on the little things in a relationship is very important to its survival. However, clashes over bigger issues may be more difficult to overcome.

Also, certain differences can actually complement each other in a relationship. Properly harnessing them can help in creating a loving relationship atmosphere. But when the differences tend more towards incompatibility, any relationship will suffer.

These might be issues regarding having kids and even the number of kids to have, where to live, what religion to practice, sexual preferences, lifestyle tastes, and general perspective of the world.

Addressing Compatibility Differences

These and other critical issues you think are important to you need to be brought up early on into a relationship. You need to have a serious conversation about them. This saves you the pain of finding out later that both of you have incompatible life goals or ideologies.

Thus, it’s important to avoid ignoring these differences and believing that love will take care of everything. Stop kidding yourself that someone will bend, the situation will change, or that things will just work out themselves.

Incompatibility issues don’t just go away. Rather, they tend to poison a relationship over time thereby leading to its premature death.

Relationship incompatibilities leave the partners feeling dissatisfied with each other. Arguably, this is one of the most serious reasons why men pull away from even beautiful women they love.

14. Boredom

Most people fail to understand that having relationship comfort and security doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship will be a happy one.

The security enjoyed in such relationships often comes with a degree of constraint. Over time, such constraint can make the life of the partners become very predictable and full of routines and obligations.

Being predictable with your partner can easily lead to a loss of the excitement of discovery in a relationship and could thus be a reason why guys pull away.

Men love and long to be around women who are capable of adding joy and happiness to their lives. Also, they greatly appreciate women who are open to new ideas and who add excitement to a relationship.

Though it takes two to tango on this issue, yet women can sometimes cause more havoc. Things can get even more complicated for women if there are small children in the relationship.

When a relationship becomes too predictable and boring, it’s then you’ll notice that the guy hates coming back home to the wife. Either he just starts coming home late or begins hanging out with his friends more frequently than before.

Boredom is easily one of the possible reasons why men pull away from women they love. This is because the boredom might make a man want to experience something new or desire to go through the thrill of the chase again.

Keeping Your Relationship Exciting

You can keep your relationship exciting by going out on more thrilling dates, eating out together, attending a dancing class, or simply watching your favorite old movies in the company of each other.

To up the ante, you can try new sex positions or games, buy gifts for each other every now and then, plan exciting outings and vacations together, and surprise each other from time to time.

Engaging in these and other positive and exciting experiences can help to infuse energy into your individual lives and your relationship.

15. Loss of Attraction

Off all the potential reasons given thus far for why men pull away, it’s probably safe to conclude that this is the singular most important reason why men pull away and leave women they love.

It’s true that attraction is not everything in a relationship, yet its importance cannot be overstated. The attraction component of a relationship is a mixture of the physical and emotional connectivity shared between the partners.

Attraction between spouses contributes to their sexual enjoyment and also heightens the emotional connection between them.

To put it more succinctly, attraction is not just the starting point of a relationship, it’s also what holds the retaining power in the relationship. Thus, a loss of attraction can easily be the greatest reason why men pull away.

Once the attraction is there in a relationship, no amount of water can sink that ship; together they’ll simply weather any storm.

However, when the attraction dies in a relationship (not necessarily the love), the man no longer feels that deep level of connecting attraction toward his woman.

The result is that the whole relationship becomes more of work (a task to accomplish) or a burden to carry instead of an adventure to embark upon.

Once the partners in a relationship stop learning or doing exciting and meaningful things together, they start to stagnate. This can also lead to a loss of the excitement of discovery in the relationship and it gets reflected in the relationship over time.

Keeping the Sparks Flying

The truth is that relationships stop being fun because people stop trying to make them fun.

Also, men have been and will always be visual creatures who have always loved with their eyes first. Unfortunately, most women simply become complacent after settling down in a committed relationship.

They sometimes start neglecting looking after themselves. Less attention gets paid to their physical appearance. For instance, dressing well and making their hair – the way they did at the initial stages of the relationship.

However, a man loves it when he sees that his woman is working on herself to look attractive and beautiful for him.

Also, as time passes in a relationship, the partners should endeavor to learn new things in order to improve their personality. Experiencing more positive personal changes over time is a beautiful thing and makes the couple more attractive to each other.

Here’s a professional advice from one of the top researchers of romantic love, Arthur Aron:

It’s all about the excitement. So quit the boring, lame date nights and dull dinners. Instead, go dancing, roller coaster riding, skydiving, attend concerts or anything exciting with energy in the air.

Also, research suggest that you should rather see horror movies or suspense thrillers ^[6] together instead of documentary type movies. You want movies that get the heart racing.

16. Nagging Spouse

It’s inevitable for nagging to happen in a relationship. Yet, it’s one thing to nag and it’s something completely different to constantly nag about everything.

Truth is that a man can only take that much! Continuing and constant arguments and nagging will wear down even the strongest of relationships. This is because they take a very heavy toll on it.

There are times when your man will do something that you don’t like or fail to do something that you need him to do. At such times, try to talk to him calmly about it and avoid constantly nagging him about such stuffs.

No woman who constantly whines, nags, or treats her man like a child can hope to stop him from pulling away from the relationship. Besides his interest in the relationship naturally fading, it also makes him feel repulsed.

Also, repeated and unresolved arguments generally result in cumulative emotional scarring. They result in built-up anger than can easily spill into other areas of the relationship.

Yet, the damage they cause is often not as evident on the outside compared to their effect at the relationship core. They simply make things tense in the relationship.

Even when a man thinks his woman is absolutely amazing, constantly nagging him will only prove why such an action is one of the reasons why men pull away and leave women they love.

Instead, a lady should try to work on developing healthy communication skills. It’s also to learn how to comprise with her man in order to prevent him from pulling away.

In Conclusion…

The reasons why men pull away from women they love can be varied. Then again, the above is a very good list to seriously ponder over.

At the end of it all, love is not enough. A relationship needs to have fundamental compatibility between the partners including a shared vision of their future together.

The truth is that men don’t just decide to pull away one day. They pull away because of a gradual breakdown in the relationship over time.

Thus, it’s important to keep working on your inner happiness. At the same, ensure to take every necessary action to help your relationship grow stronger and more endearing.

Focus on communicating with your man in such a way that reflects the happy, fulfilled and loving woman you are inside. Also, look for ways to continually praise and appreciate every effort your man puts into the relationship.

Very importantly, try as much as possible to avoid negatively criticizing him or nagging him all the time.

When you focus on the idea of creating a deeper and more exciting emotional connection with your man, you’ll be effectively working on protecting your relationship against these potential reasons why men pull away.

Till next time, here’s wishing you best of luck in life and in love!